Your Kid's Name Tells Something About YOU! =D

What are your kids names?

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy..."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money.. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner!"


LOL...

Hey All,

I'm back again but with something to relax again but I know some are quite old already which some of you may find it familiar. Anyway, hope you enjoy it. Some are quite hilarious though lol =D


Funny right these kids? Wonder if it's because they really do not know how to do it so anyhow 'hamtum', really 'ignorant' or had done it on purpose.

There is another one from my girl's classmate, P4.

One of the Maths questions showed a picture of a calculator and the question asked to find a solution as the buttons 6 and 9 are faulty (can't remember the exact question now but something like that).

Guess how my girl's classmate answer? Hahaha, some may have guessed it right. He wrote on his paper to get a new one! LOL.

My girl and the rest of the classmates asked him that this is a Maths question, why is he giving such a 'ridiculous' answer? His reply was because he really thought the answer is so (it's either he doesn't know how to work out the solution or that he really thought it's a straight forward question but forgetting that this is a Maths question :p)

Haiz, now adays kids can really bring you lots of frustrations and laughter as most of them are in between the 'too matured for their age and actually not matured yet'.... speechless... =)

English. English?

Received these from my inbox. Found them interesting thus sharing with all readers. Enjoy =)

So next time, make sure you FALL into the river with your child....but...carefully. lol




These workers job is tough...the poor workers...




High intellectual and from the more upper class 'animals' ???




Lol...Really wish to know the person who will use their private part as bait...haha...




Hmm...but out of curiosity...I may still go kpo kpo...hehe...




Wow...new method? For bleaching or softening purpose? Keke...

Hypnotist

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they are gone!"

"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"

The wife replies, "Ivy referred me to a Hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, it worked, the headaches are all gone!"

The husband replies, Well! that's wondeful, good on you!"

The wife then says, "You know, Dear, you haven't exactly been a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, Why don't you go and see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything about it for you?"

The husband agrees to give it a go.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, pick up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He put her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back!"

He goes into the bathroom and comes back minutes later, jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "WOW! that was wonderful!"

The husband says, Don't move, I'll be right back and returns to the bathroom and and minutes later goes back to the bedroom and round 2 is even better than the first time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning and wondering what the ###### her man has taken.

Her husband says again, "Don't move, I'll be right back" and with that he goes into the bathroom for the third time.

This time his wife follows him into the bathroom and she sees him standing in front of the mirror saying, "She's not my wife, she's not my wife, she's not my wife!"

His funeral service will be held this friday.


LOL....

How Old Is Your Brain

Hey guys, this is really a good brain and eyes exercise. Try it!

How old is your brain? Make sure you are fresh and fully concentrating when you play this the very FIRST TIME.

Only the FIRST GAME should be the REAL result.

Procedure of Flash Fabrica Game:

1. Click 'start'

2. Wait for the 3, 2, 1 count down

3. Memorize the number's position on the screen, then click each circle from the
smallest number to the biggest number.

4. At the end of game, it will tell you how old your brain is.


Good luck !!


http://flashfabrica.com/f_learning/brain/brain.html

GOVT...Pls DO NOT Help Anymore!!

**Would like to share this with all...not mine though...has no idea on the original source.


We citizens of Singapore urge you government to - PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

We DO NOT NEED your help. Every time you mentioned HELP, we have to run for cover!!!


Help the poor? Raise GST!

Help traffic flow? Up ERP!

Help passenger service? Up Bus fare/MRT fare!

Help us get taxi? Raise taxi fare!

Help us get good government? Raise Minister and Civil servant salary!


Everytime YOU WANT TO HELP, we all PAY FOR IT!!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU...TOLONG LAH, please, we will HELP OURSELVES, no need your help liao...

We DARE NOT ask for help any more!!!

Sir, most honoured sir, I urge you NOT TO HELP Singapore INVEST also!

Gao liao, kum siah!

Just let us have a dose of bad governance, like recently the Mat Selamat case, like dat....so far, it is ok, we ACCEPT!

PLEASE DO NOT help us have better security! Wait we all kena PAY FOR IT!!

I believe ALL SINGAPOREANS PREFER NOT TO HAVE CRUTCH MENTALITY!

I think it is ok lah, please just take your salary and enjoy life ok?

Thank you thank you, I am very chin chai one, any how any how, no need to help oso can one.

Fair?? Just bcos we are NOT Minister???

Find the following 'article' a very GOOD one and is VERY TRUE too, so am sharing this which was extracted from a local forum...


Friday . April 25, 2008

NEWLY arrived, a maid asked her employer if she could get a rest day. Her employer was incredulous. "If I wanted to give my maid a day off, I would have hired one from another country," said the employer, who had signed her up on the assumption that maids of some nationalities were more pliant than others.

Faced with an employment contract that requires them to either give their maids a rest day, or compensate them accordingly for working, some Singaporean employers have sought ways to get around the terms or extract the most from their workers.

And this begs the question of how much has truly changed for the 170,000 foreign domestic workers in our midst - two years after the industry association put together a standard contract requiring employers to give maids at least one day off a month.

A Today straw poll of 50 employers found that only 62 per cent gave their maids a rest day. With some industry watchers criticising the rest-day clause as being too flexible, should legislation be put in place to mandate the issue? ....


There are several simple reasons why many Singaporean employers are reluctant to give their maids a day off. You see, if the maid runs away, the government will fine the employer $5,000. If the maid commits a crime such as shoplifting, the government will fine the employer $5,000.

If the maid is caught having sex with someone, the government will fine the employer $5,000. If the maid gets pregnant, the government will also fine the employer $5,000. Oh, and you have to send your maid for a pregnancy test every six months).

If you didn't know any of the above, then either you do not employ a maid, or you didn't read the small print of the Manpower Ministry's work permit conditions.

Many employers are afraid that if their maid has a day off and gets into trouble, the employer will not only have to solve the trouble, but also have to fork out $5,000 as a free gift to the government. (Not that the government will then help you solve the trouble. It's just a fine, plain & simple).

Intuitively, this smacks of gross unfairness. The employer gets punished not for something he did, but for something that somebody else (the maid) did. Furthermore, once the maid leaves the employer's residence, the employer has no way of monitoring where the maid goes and what she does there.

To encourage employers to give their maids a day off, the government needs to change these ridiculous rules.
I agree that employers should be fined and punished, if they fail to perform their responsibilities as employers - for example, paying the maid's salary on time; providing adequate food and accommodation; and ensuring a safe, secure working environment.

But employers should not be held responsible, for things that a maid may do, of her own free will. When the maid goes out on her rest day, the employer simply has no viable way to ensure that she will not do anything that breaches her work permit conditions. (Which, by the way, are quite extensive and onerous).

We may draw a curious parallel with Mas Selamat's escape, and PM Lee's determined, if muddled, defence of Home Affairs Minister Wong Kan Seng in Parliament.

Mas Selamat ran away. But PM Lee said that Wong Kan Seng was not at fault and should not be punished in any way. The reason being that Wong Kan Seng personally did not do anything which allowed Mas Selamat to escape.

Strangely, if your maid runs away, it IS your fault and you SHOULD be punished. Even if you did not personally do anything to let her run away (apart from giving her a day off).

Similarly, if your maid becomes pregnant, it IS your fault and you SHOULD be punished. Even if you did not personally do anything to make her pregnant.

Oh well. What can I say? Maids are not terrorists. But then you are not Wong Kan Seng. So the rules remain stacked against you. Wong Kan Seng gets off lightly, but you won't. Even if his lapse has far greater, and graver, implications than yours.

Your runaway maid wouldn't blow up Changi Airport, would she?

Are you as smart as this boy? lol...

The teacher asked, 'Boy. what is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!'

Ms. Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office.

While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was
to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Boy: '9'.

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Boy: '36'.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, 'I think the boy can go to the third-grade.'

Ms Neelam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?'

The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of ?'

Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'

Ms Neelam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy: 'Pockets.'

Ms Neelam: 'What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?'

Boy: 'Coconut'

Ms Neelam: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?'

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,

Boy: 'Bubblegum'

Ms Neelam: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...

Boy: 'Shake hands'

Ms Neelam: 'Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?'

Boy: 'Yep.'

Ms Neelam: 'You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.'

Boy: 'Tent'

Ms Neelam: 'A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.'

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy: 'Wedding Ring'

Ms Neelam: 'I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.'

Boy: 'Nose'

Ms Neelam: 'I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.'

Boy: 'Arrow '

Ms Neelam: 'What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?'

Boy: 'Fire truck'

Ms Neelam: 'What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it u have to use your hand.'

Boy: 'Fork'

Ms Neelam: 'What is it that all men have one of its longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?'

Boy: 'SURNAME'

Ms Neelam: 'What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping & is responsible for making love?'

Boy: 'HEART.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, 'Send this Boy to Harvard University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'

Smart...Love Letter

This is a love letter from a boy to a girl.... However, the girl's father does not like him and wants them to stop their relationship. So, the boy wrote this letter to the girl. He knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter. Here it goes...


1 "The great love that I have for you

2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you

3 grows every day. When I see you,

4 I do not even like your face;

5 the one thing that I want to do is to

6 look at other girls. I never wanted to

7 marry you. Our last conversation

8 was very boring and has not

9 made me look forward to seeing you again.

10 You think only of yourself.

11 If we were married, I know that I would find

12 life very difficult, and I would have no

13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart

14 to give, but it is not something that

15 I want to give to you. No one is more

16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not

17 able to care for me and help me.

18 I sincerely want you to understand that

19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor

20 if you think this is the end. Do not try

21 to answer this. Your letters are full of

22 things that do not interest me. You have no

23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,

24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that

25 I am still your boyfriend."

So bad!!

However, before handing over the letter to the girl....the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES", meaning-only to read 1.3.5.7.9.11.13 (Odd Nos.)

So.. please try reading it again! It's so smart & sweet.... It is better to laugh about your problems than to cry about them."

The Pope and the Old Man

Ah Pek is an old man in Chinese

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Chinese had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay.

If the Pope wins, the Chinese would leave. The Chinese realized they had no other choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Ah Pek to represent them.

Ah Pek asked for one condition to be added to the debate. "To make it more interesting" he said "neither side would be allowed to talk".

The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came.

Ah Pek and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Ah Pek looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.
Ah Pek pointed to the ground at where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine.
Ah Pek pull out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said "I give up. This man is too good. The Chinese can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened?

The Pope said "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity.
He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was
still one God common to both our religions."

"Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us."
He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us."

"I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin.
He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin.
He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Chinese community had crowded around Ah Pek. "What happened?" they asked.

"Well" said Ah Pek "first he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here.
I replied to him f*@k off and not one of us was leaving.

Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese.
I showed him that we are staying right here."

"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.

"I don't know" said Ah Pek "he took out his lunch and I took out mine!!!"

Very Cute Mummy :D

Received this from a friend and thought I should share it with all of you. Trust me, this will really brighten up your day, especially if you are already a mummy! :D

I really enjoyed this clip a lot. I've watched it over and over again with my princess. Yes, she enjoyed it too and we both find this mummy real cute.


Please click here to watch the clip/video. Enjoy!

DO NOT Eat Chicken Sandwiches!

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what...

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!

This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.

He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"
She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."
"Why?" he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
"Let me see" he said.
"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.
He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter.

He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"

She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her.

She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the
neck and the gizzards!!!