I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!

Haiz. Eldest dear still giving us headache although she is big now. Just one more year to go and she's gonna be 18 and yet she's still so insensible.

She is still so unreasonable and a tyrant. She is still expecting ppl to give in to her or tolerate her etc. She is always the one receiving receiving receiving but never once is she willing to give.

We had enough. I will not ask or expect my younger gal to continue giving in to her. I will just leave things as it is. Too unfair to my younger gal too. But I believe my gal will still continue to give in to her sis and tolerate her but I will not 'expect' or make sure she does that kind of thing.

Too many things had happened and now I am really, truly very disappointed in my eldest gal. Really very upset and hurt.

Some of my initial plan shall do without her now, if that is what she really prefers. That's it. Enough is enough. Call me a bad stepmother or what ever. I DON'T CARE NOW. I've done my very best for these 10 over years. What ever I can do I have done, even much more than I should have and even my younger gal has NEVER gotten such attention and care from me before. I am really very tired now. No more energy left le.

I have done more than other family members so I should not feel guilty or bad on myself anymore. I WILL and AM telling myself that from now on. I only hope I will not be so soft-hearted again if there's anything again. NO WAY! I MUST remind myself this.

Many of you out there must be wondering what has really happened for me to make such decision. Well, too many things. I am also not sure if I can and if my life is long enough to see her 'automatically' or suddenly become sensible and grow up.

I just do not want to repeat the same mistake again - by saving one but doing harm to another one. My Maths is very poor. Super duper poor but this time round it's time for me to 'wake up'. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY WRONG!!!

NO. This is not going to happen again. To save one but hurt and harm another. NOPE. That's it. I shall and will leave things as it is now.

I've done my best. I've done so much more than the rest of the family members when they have either given up or almost given up on my eldest gal while I did not.

I do not owe anyone or myself anything. I will not destroy/harm the family or any other family members just because of ONE person. Wrong calculation. No one can help her if she has no intention to change or help herself at all. I am at my wits' end and I do not have that kind of good health to do any more things. Everything is beyond my control now. She is big enough to understand and know certain things, situation and circumstances. What ever I can explain and teach I've done it. If she's still taking ppl and things for granted, still not willing to change even a single bit, then there's nothing I can do anymore. She is big enough to learn what is call responsibility.

May Buddha bless. Haiz.