Harm or Love?

Finally the exams' over and my little princess is so relaxed that...hmm...she isn't touching any books now, including packing her school bag! Oh my! Probably she's feeling a bit stressed during the exam period although she doesn't really seems so?

Anyway, last night she invited her classmate (also neighbour upstairs) over to our place to play and her classmate actually asked me what will I do if my little princess had gotten all Band 1s or 2 Band 1s and 1 Band 2? I calmly explained to her that although it's good that if my little princess can get very good results but for me, I'd see the efforts that she puts in and her attitude. I further explained that if my princess had puts in her effort, had worked hard for the exam and tried her best already and yet still cannot get good results, I will not blame her at all. Guess what? My princess' classmate looked surprised and puzzled! Haha. Cannot blame her as most parents nowadays are always 'pressing' their kids to get very good results, some are not even satisfied when their children are already doing quite well and had worked hard enough (haizz, pity those kids).

Although I admit that I do indirectly given my children some pressure at times too but definitely not in this way or their results only. I am more concerned in their behaviour and attitude for learning etc, thus my aunties are always reprimanding me for being so strict with them.

Now I've changed. It could be due to the tiredness of looking after a newborn (now coming 3 months old) with the usual household chores, cooking, looking after my little princess and her school work, that's why I've slacken a lot in guiding and supervising my children.

Anyway, now I'm trying to adopt the "observe and wait" kind of attitude. Meaning, I will just try not to be too involved in my children's activities and behaviour, unless they have overdone it or not doing it at all (such as homework). Will try to give them as much 'space' as possible for them. Take my little princess for an instance. I'd rather she does not fare too well for her academic in the lower primary but will gradually and finally succeed in her studies and lifeskills (which includes her social life as well) as she grows up.

"Hng, don't lie! Don't tell me you do not wish that your children will be one of the top students or at least in par with their peers?"

Yes, of course I wish! But just think. In order to 'make' them become one of the top students, how much pressure do they have to go through? How much freedom and breathing space do they have to give up? Isn't these sacrifices too big a price to pay for as they can never get to enjoy the kind of childhood they want when they grow up. Not exactly what they want but I meant as least some happy memories for them to remember when they grow up. Have you seen some adults who are hardly happy and had never enjoyed their childhood at all? When you ask them about their childhood, especially those happy events, you will get the kind of blank look from them as they do not have any!

I find that children nowadays although they can have most of the material things they need and want, but don't you think that you can hardly find any real happy children? Of course you can't as they are always rushing for homework, assessments, tuition/enrichment classes and all kinds of classes and lessons...so much so that they don't even have much time to breathe! I really do not wish to see my children growing up into such a stressful adults that in the end they may just end up in Woodbridge Hospital (this is the old name for IMH). Haha, of course, this is just a presumption and...an example only but...it may be true to some as you can see the figure of children going to psychiatrist and psychologist is on the rise every year and that is shocking indeed!

Now I'm only hoping that by giving my children some breathing space and to allow them to walk in their own pace in their academic will really help them. Really have seen to many who excel well in lower primary but went downhill as they progress whereas those who go according to their own pace excel very well as they progress although they do not fare well when younger.

Just question yourself. Do you think what you are doing to your child is really out of "LOVE" or "HARM"? Of course all of us will say "Of course is love!". Think again. Is it really so?

Let us, the parents, all work together to give our children a REAL BRIGHT GOOD FUTURE & a HAPPY person by giving them some breathing space and freedom to enjoy while they can instead of tying them down to all kinds of classes and lessons! Another point to add - do not keep chiding your children for not faring well in their tests/exams. Give them some encouragement instead and I believe you'll slowly see some improvement ;)